Identical twin sister decides to start a life of her own after her parents encouraged an unhealthy, codependent familial relationship for years, family implodes as a result: ‘I just can't be enmeshed with her for the rest of my life’

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Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Sep 14, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Growing up with siblings offers us two different sides of the same coin: We are surrounded by loved ones who are close in age to us, but we also attach our identities to them as any young and impressionable person would do. It's in our nature. The 18-year-old identical twin in this next story manages to break free of the codependent narrative that her parents projected onto her and her twin sister, but her sister is not happy. Instead of rolling with the punches and welcoming her new individual freedom, the sister and their parents vilify the twin who just wants to live life as her own.

Whenever a family member disagrees with you, rhetoric surrounding "selfishness" runs rampant. It's an interesting thing to witness—a person making decisions for themselves that are inherently harmless is viewed as something dangerous. Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be attached to your sibling's hip. Yes, even if you're twins… Twinhood is a special bond, but if individuals are not careful, they will never understand what it's like to live life on their own terms. We all deserve that, don't we? So, the twin who wants to live life makes that decision for herself. Scroll to read the full story.

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  • Cheezburger Image 10553261312
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for pulling away from my identical twin sister even though I know it has caused her to spiral?"

    (18F) am an identical twin. Our parents encouraged an insanely close to the point of co- dependency relationship.
    via Kyc0122
  • My sister fell hard into it while I resented the hl out of it. Our parents even named us super similarly.
    via Kyc0122
  • My sister is Katie and I'm Kacie, and the spelling of my name was chosen intentionally. Our parents wanted us to match always.
    via Kyc0122
  • My parents and sister always expected us to do everything together. We shared a bedroom and bed our whole lives until June.
    via Kyc0122
  • That's when I packed up my stuff and I moved out of our parents house. Our parents insisted to every school we went to
    via Kyc0122
  • and every teacher we had that we'd be in the same class and sitting next to each other all year. When we had field trips
    via Kyc0122
  • we were to be each other's buddy. If one was invited to a birthday party then the other was assumed to be invited too regardless
    via Kyc0122
  • of whether they were or not. All our extra curricular's were the same and it was miserable for me because I hated them.
    via Kyc0122
  • Those were all my sister's interests, not mine. Any time I tried to set boundaries with my sister she'd discard them and would carry on as normal,
    via Kyc0122
  • and normal for us was being co-dependent and super enmeshed. I was never very close to our parents but I gave up on ever having a good relationship with them
    via Kyc0122
  • when I was 11 and they got mad at me for keeping a secret friend from my sister. They actually accused me of bu ying because I wanted to keep a friend to myself.
    via Kyc0122
  • That's how bad things were. My sister has always hated when someone liked me and wanted to be my friend but didn't like her or want to be her friend.
    via Kyc0122
  • For my sister we're one and the same. If you like one you like both. She doesn't see us as our own individual people. Just as twins.
    via Kyc0122
  • Identical twins who are alike in every single way possible. I remember being in the hospital when I was 14 and she wasn't allowed to stay with me
    via Kyc0122
  • and my parents were removed from the hospital for ab g the staff over enforcing that rule of no minors overnight. I was released after two days
    via Kyc0122
  • and those were the best nights of sleep I had until that point. I also felt like I got some breathing room which was needed. My sister never slept.
    via Kyc0122
  • Cheezburger Image 10553262080
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+
  • She was an absolute mess because | wasn't there. It made me wish I could have stayed in the hospital indefinitely. We were supposed to go to the same college,
    via Kyc0122
  • live together and our parents planned on bu ying admin at our school of choice into assigning us as roommates. But then I acted like I wasn't going to college,
    via Kyc0122
  • I stayed with a friend and blocked my family for a while before me and my friend moved out of state to a community college. I JUST started everything.
    via Kyc0122
  • I got a job too so I can support myself which is also my reason for community college. I did unblock my sister and it's been awful.
    via Kyc0122
  • I have debated whether I block her again or not but if I do I know it will be a forever thing. There's no doing it for now.
    via Kyc0122
  • If I block her again I won't ever have a relationship with her again so I'm trying not to and seeing if she can try and grow.
    via Kyc0122
  • But she fell apart without me. She's already dropped out of college. She's back living with our parents. She has pleaded with me to come and take her home with me.
    via Kyc0122
  • Our parents used her phone to call me and say I'm awful for pulling away from my sister who needs me. They said I'm being ab ive and accused me of trying to k*ll her with this.
    via Kyc0122
  • I can see her downward spiral but I just can't be enmeshed with her for the rest of my life. I want to be me. Not Katie's twin Kacie.
    via Kyc0122
  • AITA?
    via Kyc0122

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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